i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
