sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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