genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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