pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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