Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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