He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
