i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
