Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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