We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
