Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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