i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
3 2 1 whiskey
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
