I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize