tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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