2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
