The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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