My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
