so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
