filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
