Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
