i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
