if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
