someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
