glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
