Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
