hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this boner is exhausting
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
