so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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