Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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