I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
