You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
