I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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