Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize