I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
