end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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