I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
