i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
