Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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