She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
