I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
