just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
