How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize