idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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