I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
