My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
