Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize