He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
