yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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