dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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