I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
