Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize