I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
