I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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