shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
