Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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