I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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