I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize