Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
