im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
