We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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