After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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