No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize