he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
