It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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