Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
