Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
