At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
