I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
