farters have to be the big spoon...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
