There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm too high and old for this...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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