guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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