Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
