You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
