Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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