I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
