Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
