THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
