She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize