Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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