I accidentally burped into my bong.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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