I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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