I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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