I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
