so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize