Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
