Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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