so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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