I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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