Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
