Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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