Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize