Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize