Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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