So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
