Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
