1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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