i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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