I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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