i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
