I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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