She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
