The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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