I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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