"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
