the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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