He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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